Top 10 Albums I Was Listening to in 1991
So I thought this list would be fun, I had a pretty good idea what most of the list would be and I just had to add a little intro making fun of people who act like they are above small details like the chronology of their own life. But I almost did the same thing. Gone through several rewrites. I was reading articles all year about the 20th anniversary of Nevermind and thinking about when I first heard it as a freshman in high school and I’ve gotten so over-plugged in that I started thinking that year was actually 91. I was only entering 8th grade when Nevermind was released. This has been an interesting experiment in my own jumbled memories (a real thing that only I have access to) vs. whatever narrative I’m trying construct about myself (possibly bullshit) vs. what narrative I would want to present to people (edited bullshit) vs. real facts that can be looked up (“objective reality”).
I start writing it and I start with the bullshit, and it goes off track, I decide the whole thing is stupid, etc. Then I’m looking at it and then, unexpectedly, my brain starts working. And that’s what this is about. Maybe in the future I could be a music writer. Whatever I do, it’s going to require a consistently functioning brain. I used to have one of these, and I think I’m almost back up to speed. I’m not sure when things started to go wrong exactly, but I recall shifting my role models to individuals who were able to produce while being severely malfunctioning in every other way. Why fix the problem? The work is all that matters. Then things went a little more wrong than I anticipated. My brain didn’t handle it so well. I figured, why don’t I just shut this thing off for while? So I did. That works for a lot of people too. It’s the best state to make friends in. It’s nice to have friends, in real life. But circumstances have given me some alone time, and the situation is a lot like when things were working out between me and Mr. B. We had some problems, but we worked them out together. What if this could work again? Easier rhetorically setup than done. But things are at the point now where I can look at a year and accurately tell you what grade I was in.
What I’m trying to do here…I don’t know if I could ever do this full-time, but music is the biggest constant in my life. I’ve gone years sometimes without seeing a movie, watching tv, or reading a book. Stupid but true. I’m fine with being the outsider-y type, but my life stopped making sense even to myself. I’m trying to make the bullshit less bullshit. Using music writing to do this is the best way for me to go about it, and it’s something other people can get something out of. Otherwise I just sound like a teenage goth girl or a self-help book. And no one wants to read that (or the wrong people want to read that, and it’s not teenage goth girls, who I have total respect for—I’m just not of you…physically. I need to be less one of you. That time is over. But it’s nothing to ashamed of. It’s a fine thing to be. The best? Sure, maybe.).
Tumblr Holiday Hiatus
I need to focus on these year-end lists that no one else will care about, but it’s something I have to do.
The main tumblr has had a pretty long run of daily posts. It will resume Jan. 1st. Big woop. I’m sure everyone has noticed this, but it publishes daily during the 10-11 hours that overlap between Eastern Standard/Daylight Savings Time and Japan Time. I have mostly kept it going with reblogs but I’ll be posting more from my flickr as I purge it (a bit). Lately it’s just been exquisite corpsing.
The sidebar of this blog is a tumblr, which you’ve also noticed, no doubt.
J-pop vs. Metal could ideally my only internet presence.
Shonen Knife Wrote a Song About That could use a slight redesign. All reblogs, it only really makes sense to Shonen Knife fans and tumblr users. There are plenty of Shonen Knife fans on tumblr, but they usually aren’t the people being reblogged. I think it’s funny. It currently has one follower, but I’m going for quality.
The Yossy tumblr still publishes yearly, on her birthday.%
Note to self
I think you’ve figured out what it is, self. You don’t really feel like you did when you are a teenager. You were miserable as a teenager. You had plenty of friends, you were getting laid, you even got into the school you wanted at the end there. There was money for records and books without much real work. Still there was a kind of constant crushing depression. Now you aren’t depressed in the same way at all, even though money is low, work is…work, friends are rarely seen, getting laid seems not a remote possibility. There were periods where you were thinking more clearly. It’s about the company you keep, or in this case, do not keep. It’s not a revelation about religious or sexual orientation, you’ve just got poor judgement about who to hang onto and who to run away from. Like anyone you truly have something in common with, who might get you somewhere you actually want to go; those people get ditched for some obscure reason. Even now, you’re thinking more having to tell someone to fuck off because they aren’t the type of person you were talking about. That is the bigger concern than going nowhere forever. Forget that. The bad news is you aren’t currently around the right the people, the people who used to be all around that you blew off for no reason. But the good news is you aren’t around the wrong people. The people aren’t wrong themselves, you’ve just got entirely different agendas in life and didn’t want to admit it. You’re on the right track now. Put that stupid doohickey at the end of this bullshit and get back to work. %
Clean up
Things are coming together, and by “things” I mean brain cells, specifically, mine. Looking for someone’s address today, sorry I didn’t do postcards this year, found my old card list, used to send out a bunch. Maybe I’ll do it for New Year’s. But I found this old mini-journal, I starded doing lj in 05 I think and I deleted almost all of it but I wrote a lot. It was mostly crap but it helped. I forgot how much it helped cause I found stuff from 04, stuff I just typed up in Notepad (very short entries) and I was completely zonked. Then I remember at some point after that I had the txt files up for download…dumber than the writing. The format is kinda interesting, if you take it as an art piece. Some of it is like that, intentionally poetic or abstract. But then some is just bullshit. If I let myself write more I think I would have figured this faster.
This past year I’ve been thinking about how I’ve almost regressed to being like I was as a teenager and it was really starting to bug me, but now I see I was actually thinking a lot more clearly then. Like I really thought about a future career up to a certain point, then there are years of random nonsense. Completely lost. That’s all I’m going to say about it.
But records, folks. We can talk records. Working on some drafts. And a hard drive reformat. %
繕った [records tumblr]
Visitors
Recent Comments